Disaster arrives without warning though, really, who ever expects it? It always falls like a sudden snowstorm. Gregory, a longhaul truck driver, has spent the past five years steering his rig between London and Oslo, Oslo and London. A photo of his beloved wife rests on the windshield, BBC Radio 1 plays from the speakers, and a sturdy flask of strong coffee sits on the dashboard what more could a driver need? Yet theres something else: the warm scent of the scarf his caring mother knitted, his fathers firm handshake before every departure, and the solid conviction that a loving home waits for him. They wait every day, every hour, every second.
One day he doesnt come back from a run. A few days later Eleanor learns that Gregory is in a hospital in Leeds. The driver of an oncoming lorry lost control on a bend, and the two trucks tipped onto their sides. The other driver escaped with only a fright, but Gregory suffered a serious head injury. The impact damaged the parts of his brain that hold memory. It could have been worse loss of speech, limbs, or even life but this is what happened. He cant recall his own name, who he is, or what happened to him. When family members step into his ward, they look like strangers. The doctors cant give an optimistic prognosis; the brain is a complex, stilllargely mysterious organ, and ultimately its in Gods hands. If he recovers, good; if not, hell have to learn to live with it.
When hes discharged, reality proves far tougher than expected. Gregory not only lost his past, but his shortterm memory fails him constantly. He cant remember what happened three hours ago and has forgotten many everyday skills. He cant heat food on the hob or take a simple walk on his own, and he might never find his way back home. His intellect, will, motor skills and emotions remain intact he isnt left diminished but his memory could still return with time. Thats how it goes.
Eleanor is pregnant. She goes on maternity leave and devotes every waking moment to her husband. At night she often weeps, recalling how Gregory used to bring a small toy from each trip for the child they havent yet met.
Why, Gregory? Eleanor laments, Its still too early. They say you shouldnt buy things in advance its bad luck.
Gregory chuckles, twirling Eleanor in his arms, Old superstitions, love. I just want our daughter to see her room for the first time and be overjoyed. I want toys everywhere a sea of them.
He spent hours arranging them on shelves, on windowsills, hanging them over the crib. When he left the hospital, a nurse handed Eleanor a tiny teddy bear.
Strange, youre taking a talisman on the road? she asked, bemused by a grown mans toy.
Yes, a talisman, Gregory replied. Now its yours too.
Eleanor placed the bear not in the babys room but on Gregorys bedside table. They often strolled together in the park, laughed, ate icecream, and onlookers assumed they were a happy couple awaiting a new arrival which, for the most part, was true. Yet after a nap following a walk, Gregory could no longer recall the walk itself or that he had a pregnant wife. Eleanor had to start over each day, explaining that she was his wife and that a longawaited daughter was on the way. Gregorys parents stepped in, helping Eleanor manage the growing list of problems.
One afternoon Gregorys father, Ivan, called Eleanor into the kitchen, closed the door and said, Eleanor, well understand if you decide to leave Gregory. Youre young, beautiful, with a long life ahead. But will you be able to stay? In a year or two you might resent him. What if his memory never returns? Progress is still slow. Dont worry about the granddaughter well love her. Shell be our little bloodline. Well help if you need us. Well understand, child, well understand everything.
Eleanor felt a surge of anger, fatigue and hurt. She steadied herself, smiled, and gently bowed her head to Ivan. He stroked her hair and whispered, Dont give up, dear. Well manage. Youre strong, even with a baby on the way.
Indeed, Eleanor was slight and not very tall; Gregory towered over her. The first time he introduced her to his parents, they were shocked but kept quiet. Later they asked him, Shes a crystal! Where did you find one like that? They quickly grew fond of Eleanor a kind, slightly shy girl who showed immediate warmth to the grooms parents. From then on Gregory often called her my crystal.
Their daughter, Lily, was born. Gregory met his wife at the maternity ward, beaming with joy. The next morning he asked, What kind of baby is this? and Eleanor began again, recounting the story shed told countless times, now with a new addition Lily. Gregory cradled his daughter, his eyes lighting up each time.
For a while Eleanor moved Lilys cot from the nursery into their bedroom so the baby would be close, especially because Lily woke often, was fussy and slept poorly. Eleanor stayed up nights caring for both, losing her own sleep. Exhaustion took its toll her milk supply dwindled.
Sweetheart, we could move you into our house. Its hard for you alone, urged Gregorys mother, Kira.
No, Ill manage, Eleanor replied, sparing her parents further worry they were no longer young and accepting that this would be her life forever, requiring her own strength and composure.
Lily was switched to formula. One night Eleanor awoke not to Lilys cries but to a soft lullaby humming in the room:
Scattered toys across the floor,
Children dream sweetly more,
A fox steals socks in stealth,
An elephant mischiefs at the gate,
Days whirl like a snowstorms dance,
Outside white snow glitters bright,
And the moon, painting shadows,
Seeks its silver portrait.
She lifted her head and saw Gregory rocking Lily. One hand clutched a precious bundle, the other held a bottle of formula that Lily was sipping. Eleanor slipped onto the bed, silent, afraid to startle him after all, the baby was in his arms. Moonlight flooded the room, bathing everything in gentle light.
This is happiness, she thought.
Gregory settled Lily, took the teddy bear from the bedside table and placed it in the cot. Here you go, love, a little gift from me. Then, shivering from the cold, he crawled under the blanket beside his wife.
I love you, my crystal, he whispered.
